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Comments: Hello Brothers, I have read everything. truly, the comments of experiences in the Guestbook are really moving and encouraging. I did have questions at first that I dont even know how to frame up in a sentence maybe because i'm not comfortable yet, but by reading all, seems its all answered already. "I will say this, I've stopped looking up at the stars when I used to watch them for hours and be amazing at all that's been created, but twice in the past year I have found myself broken down on my knees in tears, and both times no word of a lie, I've been contacted by the witnesses, old and new within minutes. I may not be able to look up anymore but maybe He's still looking down." I can relate to this comment in the guestbook, I have decided when I got disfellowshipped that I will never go back as one of Jehovah's witnesses for this is not the lifestyle I'm gonna be happy with, and through the years I want to prove myself and my family that I have made the right decision, but I was wrong I got extremely UNHAPPY and with no clear path to take, I felt like everything im doing in this world is senseless. True, when I was at my lowest Jehovah God was looking down at me and moved me to come back. I got reinstated last year and really doing my best to keep on the watch. everyone welcomed me and I felt SO MUCH JOY! that joy I know that would stay forever knowing that Jehovah approves of what im doing, I want to stay in this feeling forever, I want to stay loved by Jehovah. Agape to you all!
Comments: Where to begin...it's awesome that a site like this exists. I have often wondered about who else is out there. I only recently discovered this site thru a friend because to just do a google search of gay Jehovah's witnesses will lead you to a bunch of df'd or otherwise anti witness sites, so I have never delved too deeply into a search like that. I'm serving in a foreign language congregation in the u.s., and have self identified as gay since I was a teenager. I knew I had these feelings before I got baptized and had been confronted by my father and an elder who was studying with me, when my father had discovered I was downloading gay porn on the family computer back in the days of napster and peer2peer sharing of illicit content. So when I decided to get baptized it was with the knowledge that I would probably have to remain single in this system unless by some chance this all turned out to be just a really long phase, which to this day I can attest in my case it is not a phase. I suppose I naively thought that this system would not last as long as it has, and the struggle would be over by now, but alas it is still plugging along. I periodically struggle with depressive thoughts stemming from loneliness and the desire for companionship and intimacy physically, sexually and emotionally that is still unfulfilled. I have a few close friends and elders who know my struggle, but mostly I keep it to myself unless I am asked directly about it. Sticking to the basics of prayer, bible reading, meetings, staying busy with ministry and friends, and regular exercise has been the most help so far in sticking this out, though when depression hits I rarely sound this rational about it. Keep up the fight all, Jehovah will make it right in time.
Comments: So glad to have found this forum. I love being a JW, and I don't want to go to any kind of worldly or apostate websites. Always been a struggle my whole life, and it's encouraging just to know that I am not alone.
Comments: Hello, i found this site And i think is what i need, talk or make some friends that motivate me to serve Jehovah. Because lately loneliness and thinking that never I'm going to have a love I'm my life is so hard, because I haven't never feel attract to the opposite sex. It's good to know that I'm not the only one fighting this battle.
Comments: Hi Chris, Welcome, looking forward to talking to you! Simon
What is your email address Phil@witnesses.plus.com Comments: Hello Chris, welcome.
Comments: Hello
Comments: Hello everyone! For a long time I dreamt about finding a place where I could meet other bros and sis going through the same feelings we all share. I thought it would be impossible but a few weeks ago I found this website while surfing on the net, desperately feeling lonely in front of the situation. I read all the pages of the guest book and felt imediately better. All your experiences deeply moved me and touched my heart. I finally have the feeling that I can talk with people understanding what we are facing in our everyday life. I am a bit shy so it's a bit hard to express all I would like to say, but I am very happy to have found all of you. I've been pioneering for many years to help me be focused in the right things but, even if I have a lot of friends, I feel lonely in this situation of being different, because I have never ever talked with anyone about it. It's the first time and I am feeling quite nervous and happy at the same time. And I want to thank you all for your words in this guestbook. And thank you Phil for your quick reply to my email.
Comments: Like all the other comments I've read - I share the same sentiments of utter relief and amazement. I was afraid to do research outside of society's publication in fear of unwholesome exposure and possibilities of further reproaching Jehovah's name. I say further as it has seemed an eternity I've felt my inner desire to burst out of this Woman's body and be the man I was meant to be. That in turn leaves me feeling inadequate and worthless. This site came as answer to a prayer. I can't believe how many brothers and sisters are struggling with the same issue. I honestly thought I was the only one who felt this way and lately I've been feeling more weakened and unsure of how I can be seen as acceptable in Jehovah's eyes. Experiencing a lapse in attraction recently has placed a crevice in my way and I'm finding it hard to approach Jehovah and to feel part of his organisation. As many of you have said I am also feeling so relieved to read these experiences and know that there are brothers and sisters dealing with exactly the same issue is just amazing. This is an absolute godsend in the literal meaning of the term.
Comments: Wow!!! That's pretty much the first thing that came to mind when I discovered this site. It's kind of exactly what I've been in search of...an outlet to discuss my feelings that most would not understand. Thank you for this as I'm sure it has been helpful to many already and the closer we get to the end, the more people will benefit for sure.
Comments: For sometime now I have felt alone. I have always realized that there are other brothers and sisters who must be dealing with gender dysphoria but I never thought I would meet any. Thank you.
What is your email address Phil@witnesses.plus.com Comments: We have found that it is necessary to be careful with the terms "queer" and "gay". It seems that what people understand by these terms varies from place to place in the English-speaking world. In some places those terms mean simply "having a sex drive that operates towards the same sex instead of the opposite sex", and they don't imply being sexually active. In other places, however, they seem to have the meaning "sexually active with persons of the same sex and committed to causes and/or activism to promote the legitimacy of sexual intimacy outside of monogamous heterosexual marriage". Care is therefore needed, in case a wrong meaning is inferred.
Comments: I'm so grateful to have finally found a site to connect with other witnesses who are queer but don't have resentment towards the congregation. After this years convention I really set into feeling like I was disloyal to Jehovah and unworthy of his forgiveness. It's so encouraging to know I'm not alone.
Comments: For all who find themselves here looking for encouragement, I want to warmly encourage you to look for a Regional Convention in your area (perhaps you even got an invitation in your door) and attend. If you can't make all 3 days, please take in the Sunday session. Jehovah loves us all and wants only the best for us. Hopefully you will be able to attend.
Comments: Since I was a teenager I have been struggling with homosexual feelings. Thank you so much for this site. It's great to know that I'm not alone, and that 'the same kind of sufferings are being experienced by the entire association of my brothers in the world' (1Pe 5:9).
Comments: Thank you so much for this site!
Comments: Hello. A friend suggested I visit this site. I am not much of a writer but the comments shared here are so touching. Each post from someone struggling with the same issues and yet, each so unique and precious. All wanting to please a deserving God. And in a relentless, cruel world at that. The battles are real no matter what we fight against. And, unfortunately, some of the deepest wounds in the battles come from ourselves and our own families, spiritual or otherwise. Finding what helps to endure is the only answer and I see each of you doing just that...you're here. If this is the only progress you've made, to share, to entrust, I commend you. And Jehovah must as well. He sees your pain. To the one who created this site, (is it Phil?) Thank you
Comments: Hello, I just wanted to mention how everyone's messages and words are very hopeful to me. I am a 18 yr old who struggles with such desires and wants. A friend of mine told me, that it is our love for Jehovah that will motivate us to stay faithful, and to not give up. This website and posts have made me more determined to keep going and continue building my relationship with Jehovah. Thank you all!
Comments: It's me again. I just thought it would be nice to share a text that has helped me... Isaiah 41:10 “Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be anxious, for I am your God. I will fortify you, yes, I will help you, I will really hold on to you with my right hand of righteousness.” All the best my dear brothers
Comments: I was brought up in the truth and have been gay since I can remember. I tried to remain active spiritually for many years to make the "gay" just go away but, as you imagine, it just didn't work. I also got married and had children to see if it would go away but found myself living s lie. With time I suffered depression, grossly sinned, divorced and was disfellowshipped... I am now reinstated and enjoy good standing in the congregation. I trust Jehovah sees my efforts to serve him faithfully ("he is not unrighteous"). I do feel his blessings each day (I have a clean standing in front of him for quite some time now) but I do feel it would be nice to speak to other brothers in my situation. Loneliness and isolation can be a trap for me. I like this blog. It encorages me to remain strong. I am not sure how to join the forums. Please can someone advise. Thanks brothers 
Comments: Hello a., I can relate to your feelings very well. Since many years I fight depressions, often with suicidal thoughts. In this case you need the help of a professional. Beside this we are here to encourage each-other. It helps immensely to be able to speak to someone who can understand, may it be only virtual here in this forum. You are not alone in this. And you are precious. B. (that's what comes after a.
Comments: Hi there, I dont really know where to turn to. Life is killing me for as much ironic as it might sound. I dont want to leave Jehovah, but I cant live this way either, I'm stuck in a limbo where only suicidal thoughts confort me, but im such a loser I cant even find the strenght to just give up. I just wish I won't wake up the next morning.
Comments: This site has proven to be a legitimate source of encouragement for trans and gay people as well as others who are in good standing in the congregation and wish to remain faithful to the true God and do his will. I myself am a trans Man, trying to serve Jehovah in a female body.Please come into the forums where we can encourage you and chat more. Remember Jehovah called you, he knows your issues, and how you were formed, yet he still called you to him! This is a heavy burden, one that I carry too. (Ps.69:29) I will be glad to talk to you more...inside. I am very grateful for this site and the fine spiritual family here. You are not alone. Buddie
Comments: Hi, I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses and I've been in the truth for 25 years and counting. I started studying when I was 18. I have always struggled with Gender Dysphoria (GID). Often I feel like Jehovah is disappointed with me, and yet at other times I can't help but feel he helped me find the truth even though I had this issue so he must be understanding. I am definitely lost when it comes to knowing how God feels about my disorder. I am married and I love my wife and kids very much so!!! But yet I also strongly wish paradise would come and Jehovah would change me to the woman I feel I am. I don't know if this site is the best way to discuss this, because often people with issues need to hear from ones who have been able to beat the problem. I don't think they would be looking for a site like this.. But I need to talk with friends who understand. Do we know if there has ever been a transgender disfellowshipped? Thanks for listening!!
Comments: Buddie - Sorry to read about your struggle and the agony you express. I can only imagine how much more challenging it must be to feel so caught and conflicted - just having to deal with these feelings of attraction for those of the same gender is by itself a challenge. Please be assured that this site is genuine - dear brothers and sisters - and transgendered ones - contribute comments and their experiences - to everyone's encouragement. However, we are periodically reminded that this site is not a substitute for attending regular Christian meetings. That is where we get spiritual sustenance to combat the many trials and thorns in our lives. So, alongside reading about your personal trial, it is heartening to read that you are in good standing in your congregation, with loving brothers and sisters who understand and encourage you. Welcome to this site. And may our loving Father, Jehovah God, who understands us more than we do, give you His holy spirit to endure till the end. Your Brother, R.
Comments: Hi Buddie, This site is most definitely genuine. It was heart-breaking to read 'I am hardwired as a man but forced to live in a female body. It is excruciating, unbearable pain.' I too am transgendered. I know beyond all doubt I am female, but I am stuck in a male body and the incongruity of the two is exactly how you described. It is pure hell. It was wonderful, though, to hear how Jehovah has helped you. No doubt he deeply appreciates the daily sacrifices you make for his sake due to your painful situation. He must be so proud of you and I'm sure he will continue to help you. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I totally empathise with how you feel and if you need somebody to talk to, I'll do all I can to help. You are not alone Buddie. (1 Peter 5:9) Much love X
Comments: I am happy to come across this site. I am actively serving jehovah as a ministerial servant but have had to deal with this all thru my life. I am happy to know that there are others like me keeping up with the struggle. my prayers for all. hope I can be allowed full access and membership asap so that I can get I touch with you dear brothers.
Comments: I thank Jehovah that I came in contact with this site. good to meet you brothers and sisters.
Comments: I stumbled on this site, in an effort to find someone Transgender, who was trying hard to serve Jah. I have found many who were..but have left. I make no judgements on these people. But I am trying desperately to serve God, his way even tho I am hardwired as a man but forced to live in a female body. It is excruciating, unbearable pain. Only by Jehovah have I made it this far. To sit at the meeting in a skirt is truly an "angel of satan" slapping me. This "skollops", this thorn that can also be translated a"pointed wooden stake", pierces my flesh and leaves me in agony. I feel very alone altho the bros and sisters show me great kindness. I am seeking another, particularly a trans person who is a witness in good standing as I am, to talk with. I hope this site is genuine and not a trick of apostates. Buddie
Comments: Hello, just wanted to say how glad i am to have found this site. I had actually come across it some years ago but at the time I was df so I respected the site by not asking to join. Thanks to Jehovah I was reinstated 2 yrs ago and am currently active in the congregation. However, as we all have experienced, the bad desires are still very much present. I had googled search for the site but never found it until I came a across another brother on Yahoo Answers that pointed me to it. I look forward to an exchange of encouragement. -Al
Comments: Dear Sister L. - I am touched by the concern you express for Don. Thank you for remembering us all in your prayers. Don, how are things going with you? Did you get a chance to look up the jw.org site, as Sister L suggested? Please write us and let us know how you are. R.
Comments: Don, It has been over a year since we have heard from you. I am guessing that you are still on the 'outside looking in', and once again I would like to warmly invite you to come back to Jehovah's Organization. You deserve to be here with the rest of the loving friends who suffer with this thorn in the flesh. Plus nothing would make Jehovah happier than regaining a lost sheep. You are still in my prayers.
Comments: Hello! My name is Philip. I just found this site and I love it. It is answer to my prayer. I have always felt alone, being raised in the truth it has been my whole life. Just reading the guestbook filled with joy (almost to the point of tears). It even built up my faith in Jehovah to know he has been listening to my prayer (including those half prayers where you're not formally praying but just talking to Jehovah). Warmest Christian Love to the creator of this site and to my brothers and sisters who know what pain I'm feeling.
Comments: Hi Kelsey: Thank you for your comment , I found it very encouraging to see that you have managed to stay faithful to Jehovah through some of the most difficult years of life. You have taken Prov 27:11 to heart and it truly must make our loving and merciful Gods' heart happy. I am happy to see that you have found others as well, as this can be very helpful in enduring through our common struggle, although it is not the ultimate solution to our problems. We all know what that is. There are so many other dangerous apostate like sites out there that just want to trash and criticize the stand we take. This is not one of them as you can surely see in just taking in the material. May Jehovah continue to give you strength and bless your sincere efforts to remain faithful, as it is obvious he has already done.
Comments: I am 21 and raised in the truth and have been dealing with this on my own for a long time.. I never imagined there would be a place I could actually talk openly about it and this site is amazing.
Comments: Hello Phil, thank you again for the help Hello to the other brothers and sisters.
Comments: Hi all, I found the site about a year ago and have just now gotten back to it. Like most of you that have signed the guestbook I too am happy to see others out there with the same struggles. That may sound like an odd statement but it's a true one. No one is happy to struggle but knowing others share in your lot and can identify helps. Thank you Phil, L
Comments: I'm so relieved to know that there are others out there who desire to serve Jehovah, yet live with desire for members of the same sex.
What is your email address Phil@witnesses.plus.com Comments: In order to update information, and to improve things visually, the website witnesses.plus.com has now been replaced with http://jwhc.info
Comments: hi, i was actually surprised to come across this site and even after i found it still seemed incredible.We all have that inborn tendency to communicate and we only feel complete when we do.I just want to thank whoever it was that created this site and creating an environment conducive to that communication to upbuild each other because you can't be encouraged if noone knows what you're going through and letting others know is not easy since the fear of being wrongly judged by others as far as same sex attraction feelings are concerned can be overwhelming.
Comments: hi I just noticed that most of the comments on this site have been a while now so i just hope that it's still active.After reading what everyone else had to say its amazing to see how so many of us from different walks of life are going through the same thing and how difficult it is because we have noone to talk to about it who we believe will genuinely understand what we are going through. With Jehovah's help nothing is impossible but the added encouragement and understanding from our brothers and sisters would help greatly i believe.
Comments: Hugh! It's been such a long time. I have been wondering how you have been - so glad to have you checking in with us all again. Hope to see you soon on the 'inside'...take care my brother. BC
Comments: Thank you so much for your helpful comments, one and all. I am now able to access the forum and it feels so good. There are so many of us struggling with this thorn in the flesh that we need all the support we can as we strive to remain faithful in these difficult times. With this kind of support, we may all find it a little easier to disown ourselves and do the right thing, as today's text counsels. (Matt. 16:24.)
Comments: Hey James, It is wonderful that Jehovah has supported you so strongly. You must have relied on him so dilligently which is very commendable. We do indeed gain strength from Jehovah to continue in the faith and one of the main ways he provides this is through our fellows brothers and sisters. Really hope to see you soon in the discussion where when we're struggling we can encourage each other. X
Comments: Hi James, Hope to see you soon on the inside.
Comments: Hello. I had imagined that something bad had happened and that this guestbook had ended. It's ironic that it happened practically the day I plucked up the courage to ask Phil for the password for the forum. I was actually devastated, however, with Jehovah's help I have managed to carry on although I am still numb inside. I hope that all those who are struggling the same as I, can find the strength to continue in the faith. Don - I feel for you, I really do. James
What is your email address Phil@witnesses.plus.com Comments: AN APOLOGY: After eleven years, I had to teak a break from updating this Guestbook, due to various other matters I had to deal with. I apologise for the lack of notification, and for failure to respond to emails, which I also had to put 'on hold'. I hope things will be back on track shortly.
Comments: Those words are comforting, Bri.
Comments: Hello my dear friends. It has been a while since I've been on this website. Trying my best to do what is right in Jehovah's service. I've read some of the most recent comments and I can totally identify with them. It can be really depressing at times. I just try to not think about it, but that only works for a short while. We need to keep encouraging one another, for we only have to worry about this imperfection for a little while longer. Phil, would you be so kind as to send me the password for the discussion forum. I would really appreciate it. Thanks.
Comments: What's happened here? I've had no response from Phil to my request to join the forum and there have been no postings on here since June. I'm all alone it seems. ![[confused]](/images/boards/smilies/confused.gif "Confused - :confused:")
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