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Comments: Hi all, I've been checking in on this site intermittently for the last year when I was introduced to it by some current members. I was raised in the truth and have no doubt this is the truth, even if there are some things that leave me scratching my head. As my father says, I'm beginning a new chapter and in need of support as i make this transition into the professional world as a teacher. Doesn't help I lost the only brother I was personally close to in my peer group to the world recently. I know Satan will take full advantage of my growing loneliness and try and use it against me. So hello to all, and I can't wait to get to know some of you 
Comments: Bri Thank you so much for your kind comments. I keep hoping and praying that things will get easier and I try to keep myself busy with the brothers and ministry and the RBC but it is so very difficult. I feel that a part of me is already dead inside. I really feel so isolated and lonely among kind and loving witnesses who can't begin to imagine what it feels like to be part of a minority in a minority. I am looking forward to our Regional Assembly and have received my volunteer invitation. I know however that when I am there, I will feel like I am the only one in the arena that has these feelings.. I do hate this life. I may ask Phil if I can join the forum because It seemed for a while after I posted that I was speaking only to myself. Thank you again Bri... Agape now and always. James..
Comments: James: I have read your comment more than once mostly because I identify to a T with the feelings you express. The lonliness with time can wear one down to the point of not wanting to wake up or as Job put it so well, if only he could go to sleep and wake up when Jehovah's new order is here. I would like to hold you and say that everything will be alright. I need the same as well so it would be a mutual healing so to speak . The number one complaint that I have about the internet is that we are all communicating for the most part with people that are on the other side of the world which makes material interchange very difficult . So just know that I and I'm sure all in this most kind , loving, and spiritual group are with you in mind and heart with the hope that one day we can all be together and look back to this day and see it as a bad dream. Since I have found this group it has been of great help just to be able to express our feelings as well as find the encouragement and consolation that we all need and that may be lacking elsewhere. I hope you will join, your comments I'm sure would be very helpful. You express yourself very well and you would surely find some encouragement which can help to endure this struggle we face. 
Comments: Just a reminder to all the friends who find their way to this site. Hopefully you will find one of the Regional Conventions in your area and at least be able to attend some part of it.
Comments: Good grief. There is so much I could write here. Being in finance I find I’m not as great with words as I am with pivot tables, but James, you have really struck a chord with me. I’m sorry for taking a few days to reply. Firstly, Bri, thanks for your reply. I’ve actually watched the prodigal Son a fair few times. There are actually some films I can’t watch anymore because of the feelings it engenders. Mostly films to do with a Child's bond to his Mother. Those are the films that cause the most hurt in my heart. Me and my mum were always very close (I have an adoptive father), but that was the relationship that suffered the most on leaving. But I have to deeply empathise with James. It almost feels like I’m looking at a mirror when I read and re-read your comments, but with you on the inside looking out and me on the outside looking in. I know how much it took to write that on this forum so regardless, congrats that you did. I too have suffered with severe depression for well over a decade. I’ve been to doctors and counsellors since I was 18, and been prescribed beta blockers, sleeping tablets and anti depressants in various quantities over the years. And like you I have to concur, the cause of my depression (and not separate from it) is the serious disparity between a desire to be with someone intimately (not necessarily sexually) and beliefs that condemn that part of you, and the loss in family and friends and future potential that the desire would bring. I actually had to take a 2 year career break from my job as I stopped sleeping for months on end and couldn’t carry on with my responsibilities. As much as I don’t feel lucky, I’m fortunate to still own a house. Being this way has made me physically and emotionally ill, and angry. The fact is, no end of counsellors or therapists will be able to help with this depression. Regardless of their good intent, they are in the world and will never appreciate the internal struggle between the belief and the accepting of oneself. One tried to get me to release my anger which I viewed as a very dangerous thing. I have issues there even now and I find a punch bag helps :s To be in the truth as a gay person is to be alone, physically and mentally. As much as relying on Jehovah, if you have the faith, is an amazing thing, growing older and realising that all your friends, your own extended family, all have someone to help them always on the most personal and intimate levels, and you don’t, is crippling. It’s why I’ve seen older family members pass away so soon after losing their own partner. When I left the truth I was made to feel so guilty for the upset I had caused, but I was alone, and each of them had each other to cope. I’m always teetering on the edge of not wanting to wake up James, please don’t think you are alone in your feelings. I feel so much for you and really hope you can find the strength to keep on going. Take the best care.
Comments: Hello Phil, Thank you for responding to my post. To answer your question, I have been on medication for many years and have been to psychiatrists and psychologists of all shapes and sizes. For the most part I manage to keep on the level but I actually feel dead inside. The medication stops the extremes in anxiety and helps me deal with the suicidal thoughts - which I get from time to time. Whilst I understand your coments about separating my clinical depression (which has been diagnosed) from my homosexual feelings, I have no doubt that a major contributor is the self-loathing I feel due to my private feelings. I have been around long enough to know that there is prejudice even within the congregation and I have had some less than encouraging comments from brothers, sisters and some elders on the subject of homosexuality, which to some is a worse sin than being a serial adulterer. Again I don't wish to put a downer on things and I know there are some good brothers out there, but I have often seen the worst side of the equation. I understand about loneliness within marriage, but in general terms there is usually hope for those with "normal" heterosexual feelings that they will have a measure of satisfaction in this system of things, otherwise, why the scriptural references to "a capable wife", Solomon's rather explicit extolling of the virtues of his "girl companion" and the references to a threefold cord etc, often used in marriage talks. I also know the feeling of loving someone who you can never have a relationship with. It can never be - and that will not change under any circumstance, and that is also hard to deal with. I hope I haven't said too much on here. I know that you have set this site up for encouragement, but I've not been able to express these emotions to anyone before. If anyone who may read this post has any words of wisdom for me, they are always welcome. Thank you for listening.
What is your email address Phil@witnesses.plus.com Comments: James, I am sorry to learn of your clinical depression and anxiety condition. Are you getting suitable qualified medical advice and perhaps appropriate medication for this? It is important to separate the debilitating effects of clinical depression, from the matter of having a sex drive that operates towards the same sex instead of the opposite sex. You are quite mistaken in supposing that people would find you less encouraging if they knew of your private feelings. The opposite is true. It can be cope with loneliness. It is easy to suppose, though, that all marraiges are perfect and that married persons never suffer from loneliness. That's not necessarily the case. It's most commendable that you manage to be encouraging to others.
Comments: I saw this site some years ago and have occasionally looked at the guestbook, though not for over a year now. I am a witness of many years in good standing in the congregation although I have no responsibilities due to severe depression and anxiety. I am told that I am well liked in the congregation and I am told that I am very encouraging but I would not be if they really knew who I am. I don't remember a time when I was not attracted to my own sex, nor do I remember a time when the thought of being intimate with a woman hasn't repelled me. I have been lonely for so long and the fight is getting harder. I long for a friend who understands. I long to be held and told that it will be all right. It's not even about sex, it's about being with a soul-mate who I can truly be myself with. As I get older, the struggle gets harder - I see happy couples and families in the congregation and feel like an outsider looking in. I don't want to put a downer on things but many mornings I wake up and wish that I hadn't. That in itself fills me with guilt. I find it hard to believe that I'm actually writing on a site like this - I don't know that the organisation would approve and that worries me but I really don't know how much longer I can go on this way. I'm so sorry.. May Jehovah bless you all. James
Comments: Don: I don't really count myself as a very sensitive person, but I must admit that I found your comment very moving. It is clear to me that your heart although it may be divided, the truth remains deeply ingrained . L's suggestion for you to take in the Prodigal Son video on JW.org if you haven't already is a very good one. It is difficult at times to keep these desires completely under control, being in the truth , so I can appreciate how it may be even more difficult for someone to come back. But it seems like Jehovah see's your potential in the new world, so close at hand now, as he has sent brothers to your door in answer to your prayers. Just know that you are not alone, we are all cheering for you hoping you will join us along with your family sometime in the near future. Liz : So happy you have found others. Knowing how much this has helped me to endure, I hope you will find the encouragement we all need to endure as well.
Comments: L, B, Thank you so much for your encouraging words. And Phil as well, and apologies for the delayed reply. I've read your both your messages a few times over the past few days. I'm not really sure what to say. I have felt alone and haven't spoken to the family or any of my previous friends in the truth about this since I've left. At the time, and I'm not sure whether this has changed, but I don't believe my family could believe that these feelings were real which made things all the more difficult. I've one friend who is still in the truth who now knows about me and my partner who has been ridiculously supportive and non judgemental. She's encouraged me to make try and make a choice, living in this state is taking it's tole on so many areas of life. I'm so happy for those of you who have made the choice to stay in the truth, that takes so much determination and control, and I'm very glad you have this network
Comments: Hello Don, I found your remarks very touching and I have to add: uplifting. Your story reminded me somehow on the story about Elijah, when he fled to the mount Sinai and hid in the cave. Several times Jehovah asked him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?" We have to face the facts: A life according biblical values and teachings is never the easiest thing. To live a celibate life seems for many just too much to accomplish. I am not going to say, it's easy, but I say it's possible to lead a life with a good measure of happiness and contentment. And in all seriousness: Who in this world can have everything he wants to have? You say: "I can't face the prospect of being alone waiting for this system to end". You are not alone. Remember how Elijah was kindly reminded, that there were seven thousand left "in Israel, all whose knees have not bent down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him." (Read the report in 1. Kings Chapter 18 and 19) This knowledge gave him the necessary strength and reason to go back and do Jehovah's will. This is also my - and I think, I can speak here in the name of the others being "heterosexually challenged" - wish for you, dear Don.
Comments: Don, I have read your post several times now, and I want to strongly encourage you to take steps to get back into Jehovah's organization - home. The fact that you have recognized Jehovah's answer to your prayers says that he truly loves you and values you. You need to return that love. I am sure your are aware of the jw.org website, but if not, it is a rich resource of material for you to start building your faith. It won't be easy, but the rewards will be so worth it. Also, there is a video on the website about the Prodigal Son. Hopefully you will watch it. Please keep us posted on your progress. I know we are all in your corner with our prayers.
Comments: For what feels like ages, I have prayed to Jehovah to find support and solace in him and among his people. In keeping faith in that his word is the truth and keeping Proverbs 3: 5, 6 in mind to "never lean upon my own understanding," it is a blessing to have found this forum. My long-time prayer seems to have been answered. Thank you, and agape to all.
Comments: I've actually had this site bookmarked for some time and pop in to read it when I feel at my lowest. I'm in the United Kingdom. I'm in my early 30s and was never baptised, but left the truth when I was 17. My whole extended family are witnesses. At that time I began to realise that what I wanted, and at 19 my family found out what I was trying to hide from them, and asked me to leave, for the sake of my two younger brothers. It was the most horrific time for us all. Unfortunately, 14 years later I'm still as torn as I was as a teen. We've repaired the family damage to some extent, but I still lead a double life, and have been with a partner for two years without their knowledge. Even though I'm not in the truth, I don't feel in the world either. I've been in limbo all this time because I can't face the prospect of being alone waiting for this system to end, or the idea of dying with the rest of the world and losing a potential life where I don't feel lost and confused waking up each day. I've never met anyone who could relate to this, my family and old friends being in the truth and my colleagues and friends being more than accepting of me. So thank you for setting up this site. I will say this, I've stopped looking up at the stars when I used to watch them for hours and be amazing at all that's been created, but twice in the past year I have found myself broken down on my knees in tears, and both times no word of a lie, I've been contacted by the witnesses, old and new within minutes. I may not be able to look up anymore but maybe He's still looking down.
Comments: I find myself hoping daily that I had people to talk to about being gay. People who would understand me. It seems to me that this website is just the place for that.
Comments: I have been glancing over this website recently and it seems very encouraging and well taken care of. I am a 22 year old MS whose only friend I talked to about this sort of thing got accepted to bethel about two years ago and we dont keep in touch much. Figured I could give this a try and hopefully make some friendships where I dont feel like I have to hide who I am. I would love the password so I can join the discussions.
Comments: I am a former MS who struggles with attraction to my own sex. I am actively associated with the congregation in good standing. I am in KY, USA.
Comments: Hello. My name is Chris. I am currently a JW in good standing. I would just love to talk to others like myself. Thank you for allowing me to be part of this. 
Comments: So happy to find this website. Been H challenged...forever. Looking for support..and a conversation with those who know what this is like and all about. thanks
What is your email address Phil@witnesses.plus.com Comments: Adam, this site is operated in the UK. As to how many of Jehovah's Witnesses have a sex drive that operates towards the same sex instead of the opposite sex, it seems likely that the number is around 200,000 worldwide. That figure is based on the suggestion that the percentage across all populations, ethnicities and time periods who have a sex drive that operates towards the same sex is 2.9%. Experience has time and gain shown this ratio to hold good in the congregations. With well over seven million Witnesses worldwide, we arrive at the figure above. If you are in a congregation of 100, Adam, there will be two others besides you. Feel free to get in touch if there is anything you wish to discuss. It is sensible to be cautious, but I hope that having perused this site for years, you feel reassured about its genuineness.
Comments: Hi there, I've glanced over this site for a few years now - always holding back to take "the plunge" to signing up etc for fear that I would end up in the wrong crowd (you do have to be careful when using the Internet). I'm at a stage whereby I feel I can now talk to others about this "issue" that I'm sure a lot of brothers and sisters have. I look forward to speaking and if possible meeting some of you, hopefully via the forum and in person. p.s - not being biased but I am from the UK, so if anyone is from Britain do pipe up ok! (just no stiff upper lips though lol)
Comments: thanks for finding this site. Jehovah really answered my prayers as for almost a month already, I am searching the internet for a site like this. It is a good addition to our sources of encouragement to keep battling the strong urges that deeply carved within us.
Comments: Hi. Been awhile since I've been here. My son and I had been on here before. It encouraged me so much in the past.I really need it now. I was wondering if I could get the pass word. I really need to apologize to a brother who emailed me with encouragement which I really appreciated and needed but I never thanked him. I feel awful about it. My son "austin" is not going to meetings anymore. I really would live to get to know all of you. And maybe support those going thru the same thing. May Jehovah be with all of you. Mom
Comments: Wow, the places a Google search will take you. Interesting to find this forum. This is the type of thing a lot of people need for support.
Comments: Hi Phil, I wanted to join the Discussion Forum and you asked me to first sign the Guestbook for a password. Thanks again! Steve
Comments: Oh my word!! Thank you soo much for this loving website. I feel like part of a huge weight have been lifted off my shoulders. I have been struggling with these feelings from childhood. God knows when. I think its because my dad died when I was very young and I was just starting to get attached to him so I unconsciously crave male attention. I pray fervently to Jehovah each day to make me strong and to manage this. But as I grow its getting very worse. But I have realized that Jehovah deeply loved us all and he immensely acknowledges the quiet courage we all have to stay true to him despite this huge weakness. Ok I think I'm talking too much. Anyway, I'm very glad that I found this site and I hope that we all here stay true to Jehovah and most importantly not do things to please men but Jehovah. Thank you once again and I wish you all the best. Jehovah will reward us now and forever if we continue to cultivate a pure heart and not be double-faced
Comments: I have known about this site for a few years now. I think it is truly a remarkable forum, even for others who struggle with other challenges a part from being 'gay challenged' witnesses. It has encouraged me personally. Thanks to Phil and all other contributors. Christian love, Phil A
Comments: It was very interesting to see that this site is up and I pray that it is a source of encouragement to anyone dealing from this situation. I would like to suggest that Psalm 119:165 be added to the list of scriptures. I did not see it there but it has been one of the main scriptures that I have relied on to stay in the Congregation. If you truly love Jehovah and his laws, then there is no stumbling block. I would like to share a few things that have helped me. 1. Realize that this desire did not originate with Jehovah, but with Satan. This is a Satan inspired desire, as the WT points out. I personally do not believe you can "cure" this but with Jehovah's help it can be managed successfully. 2. Sometimes Jehovah allows things to happen to see if you are going to stick with it and remain in his organization. Remember that Paul had a thorn in the flesh but Jehovah did not remove it, but he gave Paul the strength to cope with it. This is one area that Psalms 119:165 has been extremely helpful to me. 3. Some things take a long time to learn how to deal with properly and correctly, but if you have the right attitude and rely on Jehovah and have faith that he will help you, you will learn how to deal with any situation. I hope this is of some help, even if only one person benefits from it. Dont give up, no matter what! Some of your stories on the GB were absolutely heartbreaking and I pray that Jehovah helps and comforts you. DT
Comments: Hi Jake Welcome! We may be part of a minority, but this minority has a lot of love and is very supportive. Hope you find the encouragement you need here. Much love x
Comments: Hi everyone. I just wanted to say how amazing this website is. Its fantastic to be able to talk to other brothers and sisters and for once not hide who I am or feel like part of a misunderstood minority :')
Comments: Hi Charles and a warm welcome to you. No doubt you'll find plenty of encouragement here! Lots of love x
Comments: Would like to thank Phil and all others for having such a web page for Gay challenged witnesses. Will look forward to chatting with other brothers here.
What is your email address Phil@witnesses.plus.com Comments: It seems significant that the system of laws given to the Israelites through Moses, included specific prohbitions on cross-dressing. Among the reasons that some of those in ancient times may have wished to cross-dress, was probably gender identity disorder.
Comments: Hi all, I am a 30-something brother, born and raised in the truth. From the age of 8 or 9, I started feeling not being born in the right gender. I cross-dressed in my bedroom, wearing my sister’s ‘meeting’-dresses. My parents never knew about my gender dysphoria. No one knew about by gender dysphoria. I believed I was able to live a ‘normal’ life and that I was able to fix this part of me. (How stupid) Got baptized at 16, married in my early twenties. My wife and I served in a foreign language congregation, I was appointed as a ministerial servant, we got kids and things were getting worse. I wasn’t able to keep going on this way. My wife insisted to have a talk with the elders. One elder was pretty well-informed about the subject of ‘transgenderism’. My wife might have expected I would get fixed or that she would to get a stick to beat me. It turn out to be a positive talk. I asked them if the scriptures prohibit closed crossdressing for christians. The answer is: it's between me and my wife. The battle is not over yet. I feel emotionally alone. I hope I can find some friends who feel the same way and have the same respect for Jehovah God.
Comments: For a long time now I have felt less than due to my feelings and I have prayed so many times for someone who can truly relate to me,and look, there are so many people on here to gain encouragement from and to give encouragement to. Jehovah has definitely answered my prayers in a large way. I've never been able to have an honest friendship with females because I fear I might develop feelings for them, which I have, and just never felt like I fit in. The girls I know are so feminine and I can only try to be. I always think people are a little skeptical of me. I'm a victim of my own disapproval. I just can't believe I have the privilege to be among so many integrity keepers who are struggling with the same thing as me. I love you all, and thanks Phil this is a truly wonderful provision.
Comments: For a long time now I have felt less than due to my feelings and I have prayed so many times for someone who can truly relate to me,and look, there are so many people on here to gain encouragement from and to give encouragement to. Jehovah has definitely answered my prayers in a large way. I've never been able to have an honest friendship with females because I fear I might develop feelings for them, which I have, and just never felt like I fit in. The girls I know are so feminine and I can only try to be. I always think people are a little skeptical of me. I'm a victim of my own disapproval. I just can't believe I have the privilege to be among so many integrity keepers who are struggling with the same thing as me. I love you all, and thanks Phil this is a truly wonderful provision.
Comments: Thank you for your time and effort. I appreciate all the support and look forward to a time when we will no longer have to deal with our imperfections.
Comments: For a long time now I have read all the comments on this site, but not sought to join or comment. I am a long time servant of Jehovah and have struggled with these feelings that others mention here. I want to say something as I have and still do receive encouragement from all your posts. Continue fighting these adverse feelings and standing for Jehovah's Sovereignty and for Truth. I know these feelings will continue to hamper all of us until Satan and his demons are no more. In my life, I have had highs and lows. The highs come when thinking on spiritual things and the new order to come. The lows are when my mind is being turned towards the things of the flesh. This rotten carrot is a poor substitute for the unseen blessings the Jehovah promises. (PSALM 145 V 16). So hang on in there dear brothers and sisters. If we do, we all will experience the fulfilment of Psalm 91. Heart felt agape to you all and thanks Phil for this site
Comments: I'm 24 years old now. I've been attracted to other guys all my life (more emotionally than sexually though... I think I might be a homo-romantic asexual, or maybe just a homosexual with a very low sex-drive...) I'm serving as a pioneer and a ministerial servant, and I'm expanding my ministry to serve in foreign fields. Serving Jehovah with everything I have is the one thing that makes me the most happy in life. But for years I thought I was the only one with these feelings, and I was afraid of what would happen if anyone found out about my "secret". I was ashamed of myself, but I was also determined to continue to grow spiritually. I prayed Jehovah so many times to ask him to send me someone as a role-model, or a mentor. A brother who was like me. Gay and spiritually healthy and active. I didn't know if these people even existed. Recently I found out that one of my best friends (who lives in another country) is also gay. We talked about it a lot, and I instantly felt like this huge weight was being lifted off my shoulders. He's the first person I've ever told, and we got really close because of that. I'm really glad I have him in my life. That friend has just told me about this website. He said it really helped him. I am so grateful that this community exists! I've felt alone for so many years... but now I realize that I'm not alone anymore... I was never alone! All this time, all of these people were going through the same thing as me. And it's awesome that we can now interact with each other, and help each other out. It's simply amazing to know that there are others like me out there! I can never thank you enough for creating such a community! I can't wait to use the forum to meet everyone!
Comments: Hello Joshua, A very warm Christian welcome to you! And yes, you know longer have to feel alone! The sense of relief and hope you've expressed is what we've all experienced the first time we realized we were not alone in our struggle. Please join the Forum so you could more fully benefit from and contribute to the interchange of encouragement. We look forward to having you there. Evan
Comments: Hello, I've been struggling, alone, for a long time now. Not having anyone to talk to, and being constantly afraid of telling people the truth of what i was dealing with. Seeing that im not alone, and that others are successful in their struggle is such an encouragement. This is a chance to open up and be understood. Thank you for providing this website
Comments: Hi Luke, I'm not part of the official welcoming committee, but we can't have you sitting indefinitely there on the lobby sofa. Please step into the Forum, where you'll meet the real execs. We look forward to getting to know you, too. Welcome!
Comments: Hello all, What a fantastic site this is. It is so encouraging to discover that many of us are struggling along and hopefully we can encourage and help each other. It is incredibly refreshing to find a site too that actively encourages staying in the truth and how the truth can be compatible for those of us whose feelings, in this system at least, would draw us away from Jehovah. Look forward to getting to know you all a bit better! Warm love to all, Luke :-)
Comments: Si, I'm so glad you found this site. I hope to hear from you on the inside. If not, know that you are not alone. Take some breaths, it is very overwhelming at first. I know, I've been there. Much MUCH love to you my dear brother. Kevin
Comments: Hi All, Having read quite a few of the posts, I feel like I've known some of you for the longest while. Si, a few posts back (and bri's response to him) sums it all up for me. Looking forward to the ongoing interchange of encouragement within the Forum. Thanks a mil, Phil. Great job! Evan, Bro from the Caribbean
Comments: Hello Brother George - How are things going with you? Glad you are back. R.
Comments: Back on the net again dear brothers and sisters; not be able to go on the forum, but glad to find you again. Greetings from Ostend Belgium
Comments: i'm just so happy to be here. AGAPE from NIGERIA.
Comments: Hi, just wanted to say that I'm very grateful for this site. Also, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one battling with this. Read the first guestbook so far and the accounts are really upbuilding. :-) Hope to get 'know' everyone better soon. Agape.
Comments: Hi! What an amazing site this is. I felt very encouraged by many of the accounts that I read. Damien |
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