I think we often focus too much on the downsides of being gay men and women when there are upsides, even shall we say perks. A while back I did some extensive research into the subject. I wanted to share one item that came out of that research.

The number one complaint I read on this board, is that people are lonely and wonder how they can go on being a gay witness. In researching the issue among gay JW’s I found a very interesting trend. The most adjusted individuals where those that redefined what family was to them.

I selected individuals many decades my senior who had remained faithful to our faith and who had reconciled their homosexual feelings early on (developing a gay age scale) to see how they had faired through the majority of their lives. What I found is they didn’t look at family the way heterosexual people do, since the concept of getting married and having kids was not an option they gave much weight to. They developed deep connections with individuals through their life that in essence became their extended family. This modern family structure spanned the globe, giving ample opportunity to travel. While very few focused on this aspect, it became apparent it played a significant role in their overall adjustment. Most were well read on many cultures and interacted with JW’s in almost every cultural setting. As a result, they knew how the issue is handled both for the best and worst. This knowledge and experience allowed them to weather the passing storms that often present themselves to the gay JW. Interestingly, a majority had congregation shopped at one point in their life to find that congregation they fit into best.

I asked a series of rating questions regarding support sources that helped them on their path. Almost everyone rated personal study and personal experience high. Congregational support rated low, however the majority of participants were not “out” and the survey only centered on support for being a gay JW. (That would be an interesting study focus in the future with people that did come out.)

Above all these individuals report an overall sense of happiness. There was no discernable question regarding their continuing in Jehovah’s service as a single celibate gay person. Finally, there was no anger or anguish regarding their unmarried status.

I could share a lot more, and only summarized this aspect of the study. But I wanted to share it as it’s knowledge I have used through my trek through this life.

Hi CJ,

I thought I would reply to this, being 28 I’m not that much older than you and went through some of the same thoughts. I think the groupthink syndrome can be rough to go through. Groupthink is a type of thought within a deeply cohesive in-group whose members try to minimize conflict and reach consensus without critically testing, analyzing, and evaluating ideas. A variety of motives for this may exist such as a desire to avoid being seen as foolish, or a desire to avoid embarrassing or angering other members of the group. The end result is people sometimes get in a feedback loop just repeating ideas and opinions that they know agree with the group, however mean and harmful they may unwittingly be. What’s interesting is the consensus in the group can change and often does when presented with a case that breaks the first consensus. Congregations that have had or have  members who are attracted to their own sex have reached different conclusions about the issue than those that have not. Letting some close people know may not be such a bad thing. However, the decision to do that can only be made by you and at the right time. While this doesn’t change what you’re going though, it does help to understand why people do what they do. Knowledge is power; use it to your advantage.

Here is one idea, is it possible to change congregations?

CJ

You sound very down at this time.  For this reason my heart goes out to you.  You say you have been baptized for 25 years.  It is commendable that you have hung in there this long with your problems.  Surely you can hang on for one more day.  After all, that is all that is asked of us –

So, never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties. Sufficient for each day is its own badness.  Matthew 6:34

Jehovah will certainly give you the strength to go on for one more day, and sometimes things look a little brighter the next.  If not, Jehovah will also give you the strength for THE NEXT day.  But you’ll have to get through this one before you can make it through that one. 

You have a whole brotherhood in this site that understands your feelings, and probably many have felt the same way.  And I know in my heart that if the rest of the brotherhood knew a little more about this thorn, they would be in your corner rooting for you also.  It’s only out of ignorance that they are speaking at present.  Please hang in there another day.  Jehovah knows how you feel and he loves you dearly. 

For God is not unrighteous so as to forget YOUR work and the love YOU showed for his name…Hebrews 6:10

Hello everyone...
I've just discoverd this absolutely fantastic website...

I was born, grew up and always "grazed" in the truth.
I was 8 years old when I first "came out" to my parents. My father struggled a lot to deal with the information. He was/is an elder, and the situation was very new for him as for me. My mom was the one who, well, it doesn't matter how I could feel, she loved me anyway. At that time I lived in a very small town, and at school I was many times victim of bullying. At the age of 12/13 I fell in love with my best friend, who, I think, realised something somehow, and suddenly distanced himself from me.

In the meantime, partly because of not wanting to disappoint my parents, I progressed in the congregation and got baptized in my mid-teens. Back in high school I met a guy, whom I had a flirtation with. At the age of 17 I left the school (taking a CO's advice) to be a pioneer. I was doing very well in the truth, focused on the ministry. But then, at the age of 18 I decided to speak about my feelings, which felt to me as if they were increasing day by day, to a "good elder". I wo'lt go into details here, but I am afraid that confiding my feelings proved to be a big mistake. Thenceforth I had problems with depression and feeling suicidal. I stopped going to the meetings etc. I wanted to be out of truth, but loved so much my parents that I never had courage to do so, as long as we both were under the same roof. SO, I decided to leave home. I'm now back in the Christian congregation (somewhere in the world), after a little pause of a couple of years, struggling to well deal with my feelings and handle them.   
I'm also writing an autobiographical book titled "The Last Secret".

I always knew that I was not the only one...
Thank you very much for this magnificent support.
Have all a nice day...

Jolly Waiver

      

I just found this site. time's limited; I have a few moments left. Are there any other similar sites that aren't apostate?

Now, at the age of 19 Years I finally came back to the congregation! What a happiness I felt/feel! Being with Jehovah's people, serving the one and only true God is worth more then living your life outside the Truth! I have been struggling with the homosexual feelings lately, so I was really glad i found this site that lets me express myself.! Thank you so much, and may Jehovah be with you all!

Hi there! I'll introduce myself for a start:

My name is Alex. As most of you have already expressed it very well, I'm truly glad I've bumped into this site rightly at a turning point in my life. As a matter of fact, yesterday I managed to confess my sins to the elders of my congregation and now I'm waiting to get their help.

Some years ago, after moving to another country where I did not know anybody and, to make matters worse, to a very small foreign language congregation where I could make no friends at all with the brothers and sisters, I ended up utterly despondent and thought I just could not carry on being on my own all the time and feeling so miserable all day long. So, after getting two unsuccessful pastoral visits from my elders, I started for the very first time acting on my gay feelings.

I think it was a means to try to overcome my loneliness feelings, even if only temporarily. At first, I just wanted to catch up on the sexual experiences I had not had yet; then I felt the need to try and look for something more than merely sex, if it could be found at all. Anyway, my search has been in vain to this day, and it has been compounded by my frequent changes of places and congregations because of my job.

Every time I moved to a different place, I was determined to turn a new leaf and to quit having gay sexual experiences, but to no avail. My feelings of loneliness just had the upper hand every time, even more so as I never found true friends within the congregation (and reasonably so, as I only stayed there for a handful of months).

I felt as if there was no way out of my pitiful state, being caught up in some sort of catch-22 situation: on one hand I could not have a full share in congregational activities because of the things I had been doing, and on the other my deep-ingrained sense of isolation forced me to seek companionship through gay sexual encounters. As you may well imagine, that worsened my depressive state and even led me to suicidal thoughts from time to time.

It was as if my sexual encounters helped stave off my suicidal thoughts in a way: I thought, “after all, better to go on sinning than to commit suicide”. Needless to say, I’ve never found true love and/or a lasting boyfriend in the gay community. Even when it looked like I had come across a guy I got on fairly well with, the relationship came to a halt very shortly, as it clashed with my deeply rooted Christian education I could not just get rid of overnight. So I felt I had to make a choice somehow: either being lonely within the congregation but holding a clear conscience, or being desperately lonely outside the congregation and with no one to hang on to.

As most of you, I’d rather choose the first option. However, I hope that joining this site will make my present situation slightly more bearable for me. I would like to thank all those who have read this message of mine and who will write to me. Your comments will be much appreciated. You can write to me in English, French, Spanish, Italian and German. So no excuse for not writing to me! J

Cheers,

Alex

Hi Phil,

Unwittingly of course! Maybe that was a bit harsh. I think it’s a very relevant topic though.

In Noel’s case, you can already see his parents doing all the wrong things. If a parent ever asked me what they should do in this situation I would say, “What is your gut feeling telling you to do? Don’t do it!” This is an in-depth topic with many sides, so I won’t go into it here. Perhaps a For Parents section for this site is in order someday?

Hi Noel,

I saw your post and wanted to see if you had an update? It’s interesting how Satan will use every possible tool  to get us. That only happens if he can wear you down enough, and sadly Satan's first line of attack for young SSA JW’s can sometimes be parents or the congregation. Our best counter measure is a strong network of friends.  Hopefully you found that and still hanging in there.

Hi, I'm hoping to receive some insight from faithful brothers and sisters who stuggle with SSA. Maybe I can eventually help my now adult son who was raised in the Truth, but who has since left it, thinking he was alone in his struggle with SSA.

Noel,

First of all I want to say how glad I am that you have found this site.  It is encouraging to ALL who come here!  Then I want to tell you that your parents love you more than you will ever be able to imagine.  They want the very very best for you. 

Unfortunately, there hasn’t been a lot of information about this problem, and the few articles that are out there only seem to jump out when someone deals with this issue, whether on a first-hand basis (as you yourself are), or if there is a son, daughter or friend that deals with this.  Then the articles are so very clear. 

Right now your Mom and Dad are probably very scared of losing you to the world.  Do your best to show them how much you love Jehovah, and in time they will support you through this.  I speak as a Mom. 

The last thing I want to remind you is what Oliver has already told you.  Jehovah loves you.  He knows what your potential is as a perfect person, and that is so very valuable to him.   You can give an answer to Satan that, “Yes, I will serve Jehovah, despite the problems that you throw my way.  He loves me and will sustain me!”