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Comments: Hi, It's been a few years since I've been here. Simply put, life has been busy and being in the truth keeps you busy. But as I'm getting older, that craving for understanding and battling loneliness is certainly strong. Would love to connect with faithful ones for mutual support and encouragement (Romans 1:11,12). May we all continue to 'exercise patience' as we battle on through this system of things with our internal struggles and difficulties.
Comments: It’s so comforting knowing I’m not alone in this journey. Keep your heads up bros.
Comments: Hello everyone. I found out about this site like 2 years ago but I was not brave enough to sign this guestbook back then when I found it thinking that it wouldn't be necessary for me to do this. Finally I have decided to do it and I would love to meet others fighting with this. It's not an easy battle for me and I thought I could do it alone just with Jah's help but I have realized I need others' support too :-( Thank you
Comments: नमस्कार और स्वागत है, अच्छा है कि आपको यह स्थान मिला। उम्मीद है कि आपको प्रोत्साहन मिलेगा।. ![[cool]](https://cdn.websitetoolbox.com/images/boards/smilies/cool.gif "Cool - :cool:")
Comments: Hello, Maynak - Welcome! Yes, many of us were under the impression that we alone had this 'thorn.' The site gives us encouragement - we encourage each other to remain faithful. We look forward to getting to know you better.
Comments: Hi All, It’s been a relief reading your posts my brothers and sisters. I am going through the same thing and it means a lot to know that I am not Alone I am from Delhi India and my love goes out to each one of you
Comments: Hello, I had been a part of this forum a few years back but stopped posting and checking it because I got really depressed and just...was in a very bad place mentally. Now that I've been doing better emotionally and more importantly spiritually, nothing I do takes the loneliness away. And it hurts to struggle alone with this burden... I really just need a space to be heard and understood without being scorned or looked down upon, and to be a ray of light for those going through similar feelings.
Comments: M.H. This is a little belated but thank you for your comment . Of course every word rings true. The one phrase that hit home with me is your comment on gay pride: " But they aren't really united like Witnesses. Yes they fight for the same cause, but these people in these parades aren't friends. " They may have the same cause , but that's mostly as far as it goes apart from the "temporary enjoyment of the flesh", which is so short lived in most cases regarding that way of living. Yet it seems so much easier to fall for all of the glitter and "pride" . But we have such a kind, loving, respectful group in the forum, it truly is a shelter for all of us who want to support Jehovah's loving way or as the 2019 Convention: Unfailing Love. Nice to see that your heart is in the right place.
Comments: Hi there, M.H. Welcome! This sentence is only applicable till this system lasts- yes? " I can admit it does suck knowing that you're probably gonna be alone forever." In God's new system, we won't be alone battling this imperfection. Do join us at the Forum. Warm love, R.
Comments: Welcome, Frederick! Thank you for being our friend! You talk of Jehovah God as your friend and you sound like Noah who walked with the True God! Good for you that you count your blessings. Where in Germany are you? Come join us at the Forum. Warm love, R.
Comments: Hey to all of you! looking backward I knew my whole life, that I am different - and I was proud of it. So, I never deeply struggled when I realized that I am gay. When I got baptized with 19, I accepted that one part of me will be lonely all the time - that I have to dig a deep hole to bury my heart far away from me. Your Frederik from Germany
Comments: So it's been a while since I've posted. I made a post a while back but a lot has changed in my life since then. I'd like to thank this website but also my friends. I came out to some of them. It's probably the best and worse decision I've ever made. I started by telling one of my internet friends. Just somebody I'm really cool with on Instagram. He took it well and then I told a few close friends and even my dad (who isn't a witness). I still haven't told my mom yet. I'm 25 and I wish I would have done this when I was 15. I feel so much better. I've been reading the Bible with new eyes. Every song has a different meaning since I have this feeling of freedom. I can't explain it. All of my friends have has such positive things to say, like "we don't care if you're gay. Just stay with Jehovah". I can admit it does suck knowing that you're probably gonna be alone forever. But when you're with friends you tend to forget that you're alone. If anyone needs a friend like this, I'm here to help! I think it always feels good when you tell someone. Even if it's a stranger. The more people I tell the less I feel like I'm hiding. And as you know it's pride month which makes it difficult. Especially when it seems like people are having so much fun. But they aren't really united like Witnesses. Yes they fight for the same cause, but these people in these parades aren't friends. Just remember that! I'm typing from my phone so it's a bit hard. Just giving a quick update on how relieved I feel. I hope you all can do the same. I'm come up with interesting ways to come out to people and each method makes me happier and less nervous. I'm praying for you all!
Comments: Welcome River and Pete. I sincerely hope that you will find the comfort and support that you need here. Look forward to talking with you inside.
Comments: Hi River, Welcome and I hope you find encouragement here. I won't add to what Phil wrote because It was already complete but I just want to tell you, as a married woman, struggling with same sex attraction, that indeed it will not go away and it is indeed a HUGE challenge to live with it in a married life context. I hope you find some support here, this JW community is amazing.
Comments: River, There is an article on the JW.ORG site that acknowledges that a person can be raised in the truth and be gay. This doesn’t disqualify one from serving Jehovah. I hope you will read this link that I am posting here. https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/teenagers/ask/is-homosexuality-wrong/#?insight%5Bsearch_id%5D=63564e54-4034-4c76-bcaa-8cf1de1edc41&insight%5Bsearch_result_index%5D=3 It also acknowledges that a person can change from ACTING on his/her homosexuality, but that won’t change orientation. Still, with Jehovah what matters is our actions, not our orientation.
Comments: Hi Phil. Thanks for your concern and advice. I go to a therapist occasionally. My feelings of unhappiness and guilt are due to being this way, I think. You’re right, it would be dishonest and unlikely to work, if I was to marry an unsuspecting brother in the truth. (I am a woman). I have observed how my parents interact for instance, and it seems so strange and foreign to me. Although it has been suggested to me that it might be just fine to get married to a brother in the truth anyway, I tend to agree with you that that’s unlikely to change the sex drive. I have confided in a few people I’m close to in the congregation, but it was very, very awkward and I suspect that they didn’t really understand. I have been told that I am not really gay, and that that’s a worldly term, or that it only applies to people who act on it. Sorry about the email address thing! I have multiple emails on multiple devices, and frequently get locked out of them by forgetting my password. Hopefully this one will work!
Comments: Hi all, My name is Pete. I've been baptized since the early 2000's, and have happily served Jehovah in full time service for many of those years. Until recently, I was content with life, doing all I could for Jehovah. Recently, intense feelings of loneliness have cropped up, as I watch friends and family date and marry, knowing that until Jehovah puts an end to this system, I'll have to carry this seemingly impossible burden. I have heard friends of mine state that this is a burden they wouldn't wish on anyone, and I couldn't agree more. It is not getting any easier as time goes on, if not, only more difficult. I earnestly want to remain faithful to Jehovah, but the burden is getting more and more difficult to bear. I am happy to have come across this community, and hope it can serve as an interchange of encouragement.
What is your email address Phil@witnesses.plus.com Comments: Dear River, Thank you for your Guestbook comments. You mention that you are suffering from depression. I hope that you are receiving qualified medical assistance with this; it is important not to confuse spiritual matters with medical problems. You speak of feeling guilty - is there something you have done that is giving rise to feelings of guilt? Again, it is important to consider that clinical depression can distort a person's thinking, and the answer to this may lie in proper, qualified medical advice and assistance. With regard to marriage: It is the understanding of Jehovah's Witnesses that the teachings of Christ do not allow for two persons of the same sex to marry each other. As for the case where a person whose sex drive operates towards the same sex instead of the opposite sex, yet a decision is made to marry a member of the opposite sex, several things might be noted: 1) It would be very dishonest to lead someone to think that attraction was felt for them, if it was not. A marriage begun in that way would be founded on deceit. 2) Some have married thinking sincerely that the direction of the sex drive would change. IT DOES NOT. 3) The publications of Jehovah's Witnesses have dealt very extensively with the subject of marriage, and have pointed out that it can be a large additional challenge in a marriage, if the mates are from very different backgrounds, culturally, linguistically, or in other ways. It is surely a HUGE additional challenge if one mate is attracted only to the same sex. Perhaps there is someone in your congregation who could serve as a trusted confidant, with whom you could discuss these issues?
Comments: Hi everyone. I’ve posted on here before. I’m 21 now, and I’m really struggling. I have a feeling it would be a mistake to get married and just pretend I’m normal? What do you think? I’m so depressed, and have unbearable guilt. I feel like Jehovah could never love me. I’m still not baptized.
Comments: Hello friends, I was on Google and typed in gay Jehovah's Witnesses who are no longer in that life style and this website cross my search. After reading some of your stories, I was moved to tell abit of my own story. I've known I was gay from a very young age ( now over 50) but like so many males went through that denial and self-loathing stage for quite along time. I was baptized in my 20's and managed to stay faithful for years till I started to know more who I was as a person. For the longest time I could not separate my sexuality from me as a person. They are two different things. By the time I came to understand that it is the act of homosexuality that Jehovah hates and not the person, I had talked myself into marrying a very lovely sister but failed to tell her I had feelings for men (I was a coward) By the time I realized that this was a mistake for me to be married I was long married and not a good husband. Needless to say I abandoned my dear wife and went to live my life as a homosexual. At first I felt free but over time the life style became one long mishap after another. And I knew if the end of the system came, I would be toast so I prayed for courage to come back to Jehovah. It has been a hard road being back but I'm happier now than when I was out in the world 'wilding out' as they say. I have a lot of coping skills and for anyone in need of talking or just venting their fears or frustrations, I can relate. My prayer is that all of us with this particular problem will make it into the new world where Jehovah will make each of us perfect with no traces of this satanic world to hinder us. Agape
What is your email address Phil@witnesses.plus.com Comments: Dear Cg, Thank you for signing the Guestbook, and for telling a little about your situation. Gender Dysphoria, or Gender Identity Disorder, is a very difficult state, or condition, with which to cope. You have my sympathy. It goes to the very core of a person's identity, and is always present. Generally, the conviction is there from a really young age, and it doesn't go away. I did email you a little while ago. Feel free to email me, and you may be assured of confidentiality. There are one or two contributors in the Forum part of http://www.jwhc.info who cope with this continuous challenge. I think it is a thousand times more difficult that simply being 'gay'.
Comments: Ciao Cg, thank you for sharing your feelings. I relate to your saying : « a choice : Jehovah or myself », a choice l’m doing every day. And Jehovah is always the best one.
Comments: Hello everyone, This has taken me a long time to write something here. You all seem so brave with your comments. My story isn't heart wrenching like others are or that serious I guess but as with a lot of situations it comes down to one choice...Jehovah or myself? Simply I have gender dysphoria. Physically a woman but every part of me inside is a man. It always has been there looking back but the realisation occurred years ago. I used to the think I was a lesbian but that never quite fit. There are many things I have trouble with but one is dressing for the meetings and ministry. Bluntly, I feel like a man dressed in drag. That's the best way I can describe it. It feels unbelievable wrong and I feel ashamed at wearing skirts and dresses etc. if anyone relates to this and could help in some way I'd be terribly grateful. Anyway, I shan't take up anymore more of your time up. But thank you for reading. My prayers and thoughts are with you brothers and sisters. Cg
Comments: Hi, I’m Stitch (not my real name). I am 19, was born and raised in the truth, and was baptized 2 years ago. Up until I was around 13 years old, I didn’t even know about homosexuality (...I know. how?), and that was when I started learning what that was, and the consequences that would come with being that in the organization. It was horrifying when everything matched what I had been feeling, and realized that I was gay. I suddenly felt very isolated (still do!) and it started to make me doubt if the friendships with everyone in the congregation were real, because I thought that as soon as I showed them who I really was, they would turn the other way and look at me as potential danger or something, despite all the warm love and kindness that we had shown each other for so long. So, I’ve never told anyone. And I really love the bros and sis’ in my congregation. They’re all great people and my role model. I also haven’t told my parents or my brother either, because they’re just too precious to me, and it just isn’t worth the risk of losing the unconditional love they’ve continued to show me from the moment I was born. And recently I’ve been feeling really lost. I was trying to push it out of my mind and just simply enjoy being with the congregation, but now I’m starting to feel like I’m blindly enjoying the moment, wasting my time and not doing anything to plan and create a good future for myself (as a brother, and also in general). I had actually come across this site a while ago, but was too scared to sign up until now. I’m hoping to find other people’s opinions on the questions I’ve always had, and some ideas on how I should live my life. Leaving Jehovah is not an option for me. P.s. Sorry! I didn’t realize how long this turned out. Also, I wasn’t sure if writing all this on the guestbook was okay... so please feel free to take this down if it doesn’t really suit the style 🙂
Comments: Hi I am Mark, I have lived with these feeling for most of my life, even got married due to hiding my feelings. I have a great cong, that some of the elders do know Nd my closet friends, but they are getting married, so sometimes I feel alone. These are the times, I just want to just end my relationship with Jehovah and have sex. But if day he supplies what in need. I would so love to meet and just speak to another of Jehovah's Witnesses to know that I am not alone.
Comments: Hi Franck It's nice that you could find this forum. We are all eager to know you and welcome you. Looking forward to talking to you. Hug Simon
Comments: I am new to this forum. I have been struggling with this for a long time. I live in Florida, and have many friends that I don't want to lose them because they are great people.
Comments: Welcome K. Yes, you’re in the right place. I’m sure you’ll find here encouragement and friendship with brothers and sisters.
Comments: Dear K, Im glad you have found the forum and Im looking forward to read a bit more about you. You can be sure you will get lots of support in return.
Comments: I've been a dedicated and baptized sister of yours since the age of 12. I was so close to giving up in many ways...and then I was helped to find this. I knew all of these years that I couldn't have been alone in my feelings and convictions not to follow through on them, but didn't know how to find others going through the same things who could understand my plight. My therapist actually found it for me. With shaking hands and bated breath I searched through the guestbook to be sure the site was legitimately what I hoped it to be. I'm so grateful that you all have shared your stories. Vulnerabilities are so difficult to lay bare, but I'm so grateful that so many have done so! Finding people who understand is epic and I can't wait to read more of your experiences.
What is your email address Phil@witnesses.plus.com Comments: Anthony, I am very sorry to read of the mental struggles you have lately endured. It is good to know that you are getting professional medical help. Depression is a very complex and distressing issue. With regard to how many of Jehovah's Witnesses have a sex drive that operates towards the same sex instead of the opposite sex, it seems likely that there are around a quarter of a million. The most reliable figures suggest that around three percent of every population, across all time periods, locations and ethnic groups, have a sex drive that operates towards the same sex instead of the opposite sex. Experience has time and again shown the three percent ratio to hold good among the congregations. With well over eight million Witnesses worldwide, that suggests around a quarter of a million affected in this way. If you are in a congregation of 100, it is likely that there are two others besides you. They may be married, but they are there. http://www.jwhc.info is the most recent version of a website that was set up in 2003.
Comments: Well I have to say I am pleasantly surprised to find a sight that is still loyal to Bible teachings but at the same time is an outlet for anyone dealing with these complex issues. I wish I knew about this earlier. Two months ago I was dealing with the worst depression I’ve ever dealt with. I was having severe suicidal thoughts. I was...with Jehovah’s help as well as medical treatments ...able to get through this challenging time. But it’s good to know that quite a few other brothers and sisters are dealing with the same fight and I’m not alone.
Comments: @ Paris Alex: Merci beaucoup, tes mots me vont droit au cœur et j’en ai besoin. En fait, je me rappelle bien de toi: on avait échangé dans le Forum, mais à l’époque je me signais I.L.S. J’espère vous rejoindre bientôt de nouveau dans le Forum. @ Ketaah: just to add my personal sympathy: I’m in a foreign language congregation and my elders are from Africa. I’d never told them my feelings because their comments about (like: “homosexuality is a colonial vice and there’re no gays in Africa”) that let me think they should never understand. I’ve to be very patient. Otherwise, they are so kind and merciful to me.
Comments: Hello Xarzith, We appreciate your contacting us. Your phrase, "holding on by a thread" is one that I've used in reference to my most vulnerable period back in the day. However, with the support offered on our Discussion Forum, there's no need for you to continue feeling "adrift at sea". Why not contact Phil, sign up and receive the encouragement that has proven a great support for many! Looking forward to seeing you there. Evan, a brother from the Caribbean (we're international here ![[smile]](https://cdn.websitetoolbox.com/images/boards/smilies/smile.gif "Smile - :)") )
Comments: Hello Ketaah, Thank you for expressing your thoughts. The feelings of overwhelming self-hate, guilt and shame that you mention, many of us have experienced in the past. Short story: When my orientation came to light many years ago - and not in the best circumstances - the brother who had studied the Bible with me asked why hadn't I mentioned it to him before. I replied, how could I, after hearing you express your strong opinion against it in the past. Nowadays, though, Ketaah, there's a lot more information available on the subject, if anyone wants to know. Moreover, context may determine the view a person holds. For example, within the brotherhood, many have little-to-no tolerance for worldly gays (and you could hardly blame them, what with the way they portray their lifestyle, Gay Pride and all). However, when it gets "closer to home" - if it's one of "their own" - they may be inclined to take a kinder view if proper information is presented them. Elders, in particular, aren't supposed to turn away a sheep that comes to them for help. Having said that, I know that in some parts of Africa, views and attitudes toward this subject are deeply entrenched. But if, as you say, you want help in moving forward to continue living as a Christian in the face of this challenge, I encourage you contact Phil and ask him about signing up for the Discussion Forum where you'll find an active interchange of encouragement. I/we look forward to seeing you there! Thank you, again, for writing. Evan - from the Caribbean
Comments: Hello all, I thought I would try this out and see how it all works, and kind of support I can find. I’m holding on my a thread, and the only person that provides support is becoming ill... at this point I feel adrift at sea
Comments: Greetings Everyone, it is great to see how many of you are coping with feelings of homosexuality and it's a reminder for me that I am not alone in the organisation. Lately, the feelings of selfhate, guilt and shame are overwhelming . I feel like I can't tell anyone because I will be judged and they might not really understand me. An elder I was hoping to seek help from gave a comment about people with homosexual urges that cut me to the core. i feel like I'm giving up, even though, I love Jehovah very much. Help. Ketaah, Ghana
Comments: Bonjour Marcel ! Bienvenue. Je ne me souviens pas précisément de ta précédente contribution. Il est vrai que la barrière de la langue rend plus difficile la communication. Heureusement, la langue pure nous unit et nous nous comprenons. Sens toi libre d'exprimer tes sentiments et de chercher le soutien de la communauté. Que Jéhovah t'accompagne sur ce chemin difficile mais qui n'est plus solitaire grâce au soutien de nos compagnons dans la foi. A bientôt
Comments: Hi brothers and sisters, I'm so happy to find you all. Actually I should say "find again" because I posted in the forum a few years ago. But at the time I didn't speak English so I gave up (my English is still very bad). Meanwhile I had ups and downs - mostly downs... Many things to tell. I feel I need your support. And I hope Phil will allow me again to the forum. Thank you for sharing your experiences in this Guestbook: very heartening! PS I'm from Italy and francophone.
Comments: Hi Mirko, The pleasure was all mine! It's great to hear from you and to know that you're mostly okay. I see that, like me, you're an overthinker and a careful planner. Likely, you're also highly sensitive (?). If so, you'll know that there are advantages and disadvantages to being such, but you are who you are, right? - in every which way! What's important is that you manage who you are, according to knowledge. As the saying goes, when you know better you do better. And that remains our situation as JWHCs. Of course it was "freeing" to finally get matters off your chest regarding those people in your life you deem worthy to have been sent these strategic letters! I hope everything works out according to plan. But even if you don't get the perfect response from everyone, you'll have done right by them in fessing up your truth. It's your life, Ferris - sorry, Mirko (and yes, I did get the reference [very clever, lol] - and you do deserve a break! So, whatever happens going forward, by taking this step you've taken greater control of your destiny, the end goal of which is to serve Jehovah, gain his approval and be blessed with everlasting life. Others' reactions are their choice and will impact their destiny. Hopefully, they'll remember not to judge! But in any event, "each one will carry his own load". Yes? I see you've registered on the Forum. We therefore look forward to your formally introducing yourself and participating in the free-flowing interchange of encouragement to be found there. Once again, it's great to hear back from you, and we'll catch up soon, alright? Evan PS. Your grandma sounds like a feisty one, lol!
Comments: Thanks Evan for the wonderful comment you left. An update (you can refer to my previous comment). So I've decided to get it over with. I did not mail the letter to my mother because I reread it. I wrote it in December I think when I was stressed stressed/frustrated etc. It was bad. Michael Jakcson BAD. My writing style reflected how I was feeling and frankly speaking I sounded like a lunatic. I did not sound like myself and I am happy I didn't mail that letter. I'm glad I waited until a happy moment to make my decision. I mailed letters out to other people. One by one. I hyped myself up into thinking everyone will be cool with it and thought positive thoughts and wrote letters to 3 friends and my grandmother and mailed them. Explaining EVERYTHING. Then I decided 2 days later to mail a letter to my homophobic father. Then 3 days later I Gmailed my sister and explained everything to her. BTW, the letters will take about 15 days to arrive and I think they will arrive today or later this week. I am terrified. But the Gmail my sister sent me as a response made me smile. She basically said "No one cares if you're gay and I will fight anyone that says anything to you".
I wrote a letter to my best friend who is a witness. I wrote a letter to two of my classmates that have played a big role in my life (my family knows them and loves them) and I also wrote a letter to my grandmother who isn't a witness. She supports gay rights so in case everyone else has a negative response I know she will have something positive to say. I had to word every letter to everyone very carefully. Putting the words on paper was like performing heart surgery on a fish. Every time the pen touched the paper I had to be careful not to say anything stupid or to give a bad witness.
Am I stressed now about the letters? Yes. Am I happy I mailed them? Yes. When I wrote them I felt relieved because I had already come out to them even if they didn't know it yet. It feels like 15 days of torture because its 15 days of being in between a rock and a hard place. Or in between a room and its closet.
I also stopped using a cellphone and social media 3 months ago. This was to help me think straight to avoid all gay propaganda from all media like youtube or IG etc. I only have email to communicate. So I'll be expecting some long emails pretty soon.
My elders can see that something is wrong on my face and I just told them I have depression. It's true. But this way I don't give myself away. I am no longer able to hide it like I was before. I'm going to see everyone in about a month in person. I will tell my mother in person and then hand her her letter. IDK how I'm gonna tell her or when, but I hope a perfect moment comes up.
I have two more close friends to tell and I will be finished or satisfied. IDK how to explain it but it feels a bit free doing this. I told myself this moment would never come. NEVER. But now that it's done I can either cry about it or accept it. I know everyone can't come out because of circumstances. But I'm happy I did this. I've been using my time to learn languages now. I just started learning Russian because at this years international in Greece we are gonna get Russian speakers. So I'm excited to hopefully be able to speak to our brothers if any of them from Russia come. I'm stoked! So this is what I'm looking forward to in the meantime and how I'm spending my time productively. Basically I work, do theocratic stuff and just go to the cafe to study different languages. A boring life, but it's enough for me. That's the update for now. Basically I wrote letters to come out and the letters will soon arrive. I'll keep you guys posted. (I was honestly thinking about writing a book about these past 2 years because it's been a roller coaster. And if you get the reference it feels like I've been stuck on a Ferris Wheel for the longest and I'm ready to come off).
Comments: Hi Anthony: Your comment is so touching . It certainly does come from a pure heart that wants nothing more than to remain faithful to Jehovah and He must be so happy to see you endure daily with sometimes pain and tears . Just a little while longer and we will be on the other side , enjoying each others company and celebrating our victory over Satan and his wicked world. In the meantime there is a lot of encouragement here from many brothers who face the same pain. May you find the encouragement here that we all need in these very critical last days.
Comments: Hola hermano Phil, gracias por responder 😄. Sería un placer unirme al foro de discusión, así que mi respuesta es un rotundo sí a tu pregunta. Y como no sé que más decir..., así dejo mi mensaje 😅 😂. Anthony, Spain.
What is your email address Phil@witnesses.plus.com Comments: Hola hermano antony. Sus comentarios son muy conmovedores.Tal vez le gustaría unirse al foro de discusión?Hay algunos hispanohablantes allí.Déjame saber si puedo ayudarte de alguna manera.Un cordial saludo, tu hermano,
Comments: Hii, I am Anthony (not real name 😂) and I am from Spain. My English is not the best of the world, so I will only sat that now I know that Jehová really listen our prayers, because that is actually what I needed since many years. Actually I am 17 years old, and at this young age it is hard for me to live without being able to be myself, without being able to express how I feel in front of people for fear of being judged in the wrong way, to feel that I am part of that group that is so badly spoken in the meetings... That's why I wanted to say: "Thanks from the heart". I always thought that it would be impossible for there to be more JW with a situation similar to mine, and knowing that there is more and that they support each other is a great joy. For that reason I would like to thank you all, and above all encouragement and strength. Remember it always: "Be brave". Anthony
Comments: Hi JJ and E! Welcome both to the Guestbook! I am glad you have found this site and you will definitely find the encouragement needed. JJ I do relate myself with your experience and E l love when you said 'I love the truth and Jehovah'; don't we all? I know it is difficult being gay and perhaps don't have the support from friends or family, but I know you will find here! Once again, welcome and hope to see you in the forum! Don't be shy Brotherly love N.
Comments: Welcome E , glad you feel a little bit less alone knowing others are like you even in the truth. Hope you find some strenght here and encouragement Jen
Comments: Dear brothers and sisters To be honest, I just prayed to Jehovah to tell him that I sometimes feel so isolated in the truth as a sister who loves women. I often feel so invisible. And then tonight I found this page, I am so glad! Thank you very much! I love the truth and Jehovah and I never want to leave him, but sometimes it's such a challenge because it's just our natural desire to have someone that loves you. When will it all end? Keep up the good work!
Comments: Hi Mirko Thank you for penning your thoughts on our guestbook. (And by the way, you express yourself beautifully, such that I was surprised when you claimed that you're "not good with words".) The confusion and anxiety and angst and frustration and isolation and depression and suicidal thoughts you indicated, we're familiar with all of it. BUT, we also share your keen understanding, gleaned from the Society's literature, that fornication is fornication and we don't have to act on forbidden desires - it's part of our Christian torture stake, including those of us who are "heterosexually challenged". We're glad that you found this site, Mirko, and that you know now that you're not alone. If I may, I'd like to encourage you to mail the letter to your mom. The fact that you thought to reach out to her, giving her a detailed account of all you've felt and been through since whenever, speaks to your need for that therapeutic step (nothing quite the same as a boy and his mother). While parents are not to be blamed for how you turn out [in terms of your sexual orientation], they are, indeed, the ones who brought you into the world. As such, they are responsible for your physical, emotional, mental, psychological and spiritual well-being before you come of age. If, then, you can't confide in them regarding a burden as heavy as this that you've been carrying almost your entire life, then the failure is theirs, not yours. The one thing I'd encourage you stipulate in your letter is that she keep your confidence and not discuss the matter with anyone. (Granted, depending on her personality, she may feel the need to confide in/share her distress with a confidant - her best friend, your Auntie, or anyone that she feels she can trust. Let her know, though, that sharing your information will greatly increase your anxiety, so she refrain from doing so, if at all possible. And express your willingness to meet with here at your earliest opportunity, if she so desires.One way or the other, Mirko,, your belief in and respect for Jehovah and his truth are self-evident, and that's what's most important here. The Scripture you referred to is Psalm 27:10 If you were to join our Forum, you would avail yourself of useful support (and also be a source of support to others). We, like you, only want to keep fighting the good fight right down to the end. (One notable benefit is that you won't have the concerns you mentioned re going to a worldly psychologist. While no one here is a licenced therapist, many, including myself, have had substantive therapy, so we know a thing or two about "group therapy". Therefore, we warmly invite you to "step inside" and join us!) Looking forward, then, to further communication with you, Dear Mirko. With warm Christian love and fellow-feeling. Evan
Comments: Hi brothers/sisters ... It was a quite surprise when I found this website and I must be honest that at first I was a bit concerned wether it was a reliable resource or not... however, after reading the guestbook from start to end and every tab in the jwhc.info website, I knew it was true, especially all links/references made to the JW Library online. Thank you brother Phil for managing this website and making this possible to those having the same issue. I am 33yrs old from Canada, raised in the truth since infancy and baby of the house (one older sister) I have always been different to the rest of the guys at school and in the congregation, but I knew I was attracted to men as young as 9-10 yrs. I must emphasize that Jehovah was always REAL for me as long I can remember, and it has never been an option for me to leave him and live the life I have always wanted (gay relationship) I do understand to all brother/sisters in the guestbook the pain it feels to let go of the person you love for Jehovah; few years ago I weakened and developed romantic feelings for a non-Christain man, and even though this meant I was disciplined theocratically, it was the most painful moment of my life but I am glad that I gain back my relationship with Jehovah (its not easy, but its manageable (with tears and long nights without sleeping)) Like when Paul said, when I am weak, I am strong. Keep working brothers. Also, another challenge was accepting that I was gay and I even asked Jehovah "why me"; it was difficult to grow up in a congregation when this subject matter was taboo and even at home it was worst; dad was present but absent and never had the trust to talk about it with mom or sister.(my parents weren't the best examples of christian parents) I did confess to an elder that I respected, but never talked about it after that conversation; and yes, the same question everyone asked you in your early twenties, "do you have a girlfriend?", "when will you marry?"; At first I considered that I could marry a sister as I read once in the Young People Ask that these feelings were temporary; I was hopping on this but I was wrong. Also, being sensible to arts/fashion in general, it was easier for people around me to question my masculinity; at the end, I learnt to put up a face, to be conscious of my body and facial expression at all time both at school/work and in the congregation. This brought me to have multiple suicidal thoughts and my was attempt was about 3 yrs ago.(presently I am under therapy) Above all, I am glad and happy that I have found others brothers and sister around the world through this guestbook that I am not alone and understand those feelings that us only can comprehend. I truly hope I can encourage to any you guys; I know its hard to be active in the congregation and carry this load, but we cannot Give Up. Thanks one again to you all who shared your personal experiences/feelings/thoughts. I hope one day I could meet you brothers in person. May Jehovah bless our efforts to stay faithful to him under these circumstances! Brotherly love, N. |
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